My Wordspace

A dumpster full of various musings over life, God, scripture, and any random thought that may fly by meanwhile. Comments welcome.

Archive for April, 2007

Stress-related illness.

Posted by Iszi on April 10, 2007

This sucks.

I’m not typically one prone to sickness in general.  In fact, I rarely even fall sick enough to call into work once a year.  I’m also not one that usually experiences any noticeable physiological reactions to emotional stress.  Most of the time, I just deal with the problem as I can, and move on when it’s done.  However, according to my body, this seems to be pushing my limits.

Nothing serious has come of it yet, but I’m already starting to feel waves of mild nausea any time my mind crosses over any of the issues that represent a current thorn in my side.  Maybe it’s being caused by a surge of adrenaline rushing through my veins as I fight the sudden urge to rip something apart.  I don’t know.

All I know is I’m so S.A.F.T. of this shit, and I just want to get it out of my way and move on with my life!  Why does the universe seem to be fighting to make that not happen?


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Posted by Iszi on April 10, 2007

God, I hate today.

I don’t know what the force is that has suddenly come against me in my life, but I’m starting to get pretty sick and tired of having to fight it.

Today started off as well as could be expected – or so I thought – with me waking up just a little later than I should (as usual) and getting ready for work.

Then, my wife tells me that she’s got some medical problems which we’ve known about for awhile, but which have apparently become more aggravated than usual and really should get checked out. We don’t have medical insurance, and we can’t afford a doctor. However, in the past we have always found one way or another of working around that or just been able to deal with things on our own. So far, I’m not sure if this is going to hold true for this case.

On the way to work. Gotta hurry, running a little late. Cruising along the highway, someone’s sneaking up behind me so I must be running a little slow. I pick it up, and by the time I realize there’s a motorcycle on the side of the road, the FHP officer on that ‘cycle has clocked me at over 80 MPH in a 65 zone. Just great. My third ticket in just as many vehicles (first was in a Crown Vic I used to own, second in my Mark VIII, this one in my step-dad’s Bonneville) and the one that would probably get me barred from driving my parents’ vehicles for a long time. I can’t afford to pay it of course. I really can’t much afford the points on my license which I am almost sure to get because I’ve already taken the driving class once in the past year. The officer tells me of a few options, and writes my ticket for an even 80 MPH which is worth 1 point less than if it was 1 MPH more. I may yet be able to negotiate another shot at the class, and perhaps some Community Service time instead of a fine, but that’s going to require a court appearance and even then it’s at the judge’s discretion.

My car’s still not fixed. Awhile ago (I’ve lost track of how long by now) my transmission stopped shifting into 3rd and 4th gear. So, any driving that I’ve had to do (which has been since avoided except for emergencies) has been with the car in 2nd gear, running high RPMs. Several things have delayed the repair of my vehicle so far:

  • Waiting on tax return to pay for new transmission. – Got tax return a few weeks later.
  • Finding new transmission. – Picked one up from an acquaintance not long after the taxes came in.
  • Finding someone to help with the work. – Found someone, was supposed to work on it the next weekend.
  • Finding someone else to help with the work. – Found someone (I’ll call him BS. Dunno if S is his last initial, but that’s what I’m in the mood to call him right now.) a couple weeks later. Got car to BS’s house, and started pulling things apart. Ran into a snag along the way, trying to figure out how to disconnect the driveshaft.
  • Finding out how to fix the snag. – Took a little time and exploring of the ‘net, but we’ve got some options.
  • Getting a hold of BS so we can work on my car some more. – Almost never returns phone calls. Rarely returns texts. Finally got a hold of him, but that was because he needed me to move my car from his driveway since his landlord had some roofers coming out to do work on his house.

I’m not sure, but I think the total elapsed period of all these delays has been 2-3 months now. I’m growing weary, and the guy that’s been giving me a ride to work meanwhile is also growing tired of it. In fact, he’s just as much as said that this would be the last week of it. So, I’m pretty much out of alternative transportation options.

Then BS texts me and tells me that he’s leaving town tomorrow for a week, and we won’t be able to work on the car in the too-near future. Furthermore, it seems his homeowner’s association has deemed it necessary to fine him $150 because his neighbors have complained about him doing car repairs (probably not just mine) in his driveway. So, I doubt that even upon his return he would be too willing to do anything but maybe help me put my car back together enough for it to be transportable, if that. So, not only am I out of alternative transportation options after this week, I’m also pretty dry on options for getting my car repaired.

So, I’m pretty well SAFT (That’s “Sick And Fucking Tired, for those who don’t have my dictionary of spontaneously-generated acronyms.) of dealing with today. I would just like to forget about everything that’s happened in my personal life for a few hours, and get on with my work. (Which in itself has also become a bit of a headache.) But of course, I can’t. My mind doesn’t quite work that way. I can let it go for maybe five minutes solid, tops. But then something comes into my thought process and I just want to start punching walls and breaking people’s necks all over again.


For fuck’s sake, can this world please find someone else to shit on now?!?!

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