My Wordspace

A dumpster full of various musings over life, God, scripture, and any random thought that may fly by meanwhile. Comments welcome.

Blue-Pillin’ it Today

Posted by Iszi on October 30, 2006

Today is a blue-pill day so far. Sometimes I’m glad it’s that way, but other times I wish it weren’t. It’s like they say about paranoia, “What’s worse – being paranoid, or knowing you should be?”. I think the movie The United States of Leland says it perfectly:

“I think there are two ways you can see the world. You either see the sadness that’s behind everything or you choose to keep it all out.” – Leland

No matter which you choose, the “sadness” is still there. “Ignorance is bliss” they say, but that’s only until reality smacks you in the face. Then you have a choice: Either accept the reality for what it is, and do what you can to make it better if needed (even if that requires making your personal reality a little worse for a time), or try to continue on as you were.

If the latter is chosen, you will slowly but eventually return to the state of ignorance you were in, and maybe even feel like you are happier for it. But, since you have been made aware of reality, you will never again be completely ignorant – never completely blissful. Once in awhile, something will come up or your mind will wander to just the right place and then – BAM! – you’re back in reality again dealing with the same thing you’ve been trying to stay happy ignoring.

So, what is my choice? I wish it were simple as white or black. For now, I’ll have to go with gray though. I choose to keep reality at arms-length. I’ll not likely ever completely lose sense of the “sadness” that is there, but at the same time I can’t let it bother me until I’ve figured out what to do about it. So, I’m stuck in a state of limbo – constantly being jerked from one end to the other.

Today is a “blue pill” day. For now, I’d like to keep it that way.

– Iszi

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